mommy thoughts

Dear Lucas,

You're with your daddy tonight, having fun at Disney On Ice, and all I've done all day is think about you. You're possibly the most incredible person I have ever met in my life. I have never met someone with such a genuine bright smile. Your face, your eyes, your soul... you put everything you are completely into everything you do. Your eyes can break my heart, or they can send it soaring. I love you when you're happy, and laughing so freely and have not a care in the world. I love you when your little heart is broken, when your face crumples, and your only comfort is in my arms. I love your fierce protection of your little brother when you tell people not to call him rotten (even though they're only joking), because you don't want them to make him feel bad about himself. I love your gentle comforting of Jacob when he's woken in the middle of the night, and you wake up and talk to him soothingly and tell him you're never going to let anything bad happen to him. I love your goofy side, and when you're over tired and laughing for twenty minutes because someone said butt. You make me a better person. You make me the person I want to be.

Dear Jacob,

In such a short time on this earth, you have turned my world upside down. And I could never be thankful enough for it, or thankful enough for you. I adore your bright, beautiful smile. Even at your worst, when we've not slept for days and days, and when you're so miserably sick that you cannot even keep your binkie in your mouth... even then, you lift your head from my chest, and you smile at me, and I am reminded why I believe in God, and why I still have hope that there is something good in the world. In my world, that good is you and your brother. I love how when you cry out in the middle of the night, and I put you in my arms, you snuggle in, calm down, and fall back to sleep, with your hand on your cheek. I love your growing appetite, and how you beg for food worse than the dog. Your natural curiosity and your constant desire to push your own physical limits both astounds and inspires me. You've never had any desire to be still. You want to see how much you can do, and then you want to do more. I wonder if you get that from me. You show me my goals.

Dear boys,

There is no greater privilege in this world than the one I have been given: being your mother. You are everything good in my life, and everything right. It is an honor to watch you move through life, wide eyed and absorbent. I see my world through fresh eyes when I am with you, and I see the world as amazing. Everything new you learn, I learn too. And we rejoice in everything new. My life is complete; I am whole. And it is because of you. You're both growing so so fast, and I know that the kisses and cuddles will wane, and eventually cease. And it will break my heart, but I hope that as you grow and mature, our relationship will, too. No matter what, always and for ever... I love you.