What a weekend. What a month! This month has been an absolutel roller coaster for me, mentally, emotionally, physically, but I'm pretty sure it's going to end on an upswing. This weekend in particular was very very good for me. I got my Jacob tattoo Friday night. Say what you will about body modification, but tattoos for me, are theraputic. There's something refreshing about going through a little bit of elective pain and coming out with something beautiful after you heal. I think that's a pretty good paralell to real life. Things are going to be hard, and I'm going to have to have some heart break, but I hope to come out as something beautiful some day.
Saturday turned out shorter than I anticipated, but it was good, and I feel so accomplished for it. It was a good feeling. I want to hold onto it. And I want to replicate it, on a bigger scale. So, now I have to double my efforts to amplify results! I'm excited to do it.
I got to spend all day today with my boys. I snuggled with Jacob, and gave him his first girl scout cookies! He's such a fat kid. I love it. Lucas and I sat and read last night and today. We've started the first Harry Potter book, and he's really into it. Then today, he started to read to me, a Cat in the Hat book, and one of the first reader books he got from school. Both boys were cuddly today, which I love, because I know that no matter how much I try to hang onto it, there will be a day when they're too big to cuddle up with their momma.
This is my last week of having a whole lot of extra time. Starting a week from tomorrow, my schedule gets crazy busy.... I need to keep up with it, and I need to make sure I keep having time with my babies. I'll have essentially 1 day off of EVERYTHING a week, so I'm sure I will be living for Sundays. But, I think my practice with advanced meal planning, and getting everyone on board to help the house run smoothly will go a long way in helping me to succeed for the next couple of months, and beyond that. Wish me luck!!
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
mommy thoughts
Dear Lucas,
You're with your daddy tonight, having fun at Disney On Ice, and all I've done all day is think about you. You're possibly the most incredible person I have ever met in my life. I have never met someone with such a genuine bright smile. Your face, your eyes, your soul... you put everything you are completely into everything you do. Your eyes can break my heart, or they can send it soaring. I love you when you're happy, and laughing so freely and have not a care in the world. I love you when your little heart is broken, when your face crumples, and your only comfort is in my arms. I love your fierce protection of your little brother when you tell people not to call him rotten (even though they're only joking), because you don't want them to make him feel bad about himself. I love your gentle comforting of Jacob when he's woken in the middle of the night, and you wake up and talk to him soothingly and tell him you're never going to let anything bad happen to him. I love your goofy side, and when you're over tired and laughing for twenty minutes because someone said butt. You make me a better person. You make me the person I want to be.
Dear Jacob,
In such a short time on this earth, you have turned my world upside down. And I could never be thankful enough for it, or thankful enough for you. I adore your bright, beautiful smile. Even at your worst, when we've not slept for days and days, and when you're so miserably sick that you cannot even keep your binkie in your mouth... even then, you lift your head from my chest, and you smile at me, and I am reminded why I believe in God, and why I still have hope that there is something good in the world. In my world, that good is you and your brother. I love how when you cry out in the middle of the night, and I put you in my arms, you snuggle in, calm down, and fall back to sleep, with your hand on your cheek. I love your growing appetite, and how you beg for food worse than the dog. Your natural curiosity and your constant desire to push your own physical limits both astounds and inspires me. You've never had any desire to be still. You want to see how much you can do, and then you want to do more. I wonder if you get that from me. You show me my goals.
Dear boys,
There is no greater privilege in this world than the one I have been given: being your mother. You are everything good in my life, and everything right. It is an honor to watch you move through life, wide eyed and absorbent. I see my world through fresh eyes when I am with you, and I see the world as amazing. Everything new you learn, I learn too. And we rejoice in everything new. My life is complete; I am whole. And it is because of you. You're both growing so so fast, and I know that the kisses and cuddles will wane, and eventually cease. And it will break my heart, but I hope that as you grow and mature, our relationship will, too. No matter what, always and for ever... I love you.
You're with your daddy tonight, having fun at Disney On Ice, and all I've done all day is think about you. You're possibly the most incredible person I have ever met in my life. I have never met someone with such a genuine bright smile. Your face, your eyes, your soul... you put everything you are completely into everything you do. Your eyes can break my heart, or they can send it soaring. I love you when you're happy, and laughing so freely and have not a care in the world. I love you when your little heart is broken, when your face crumples, and your only comfort is in my arms. I love your fierce protection of your little brother when you tell people not to call him rotten (even though they're only joking), because you don't want them to make him feel bad about himself. I love your gentle comforting of Jacob when he's woken in the middle of the night, and you wake up and talk to him soothingly and tell him you're never going to let anything bad happen to him. I love your goofy side, and when you're over tired and laughing for twenty minutes because someone said butt. You make me a better person. You make me the person I want to be.
Dear Jacob,
In such a short time on this earth, you have turned my world upside down. And I could never be thankful enough for it, or thankful enough for you. I adore your bright, beautiful smile. Even at your worst, when we've not slept for days and days, and when you're so miserably sick that you cannot even keep your binkie in your mouth... even then, you lift your head from my chest, and you smile at me, and I am reminded why I believe in God, and why I still have hope that there is something good in the world. In my world, that good is you and your brother. I love how when you cry out in the middle of the night, and I put you in my arms, you snuggle in, calm down, and fall back to sleep, with your hand on your cheek. I love your growing appetite, and how you beg for food worse than the dog. Your natural curiosity and your constant desire to push your own physical limits both astounds and inspires me. You've never had any desire to be still. You want to see how much you can do, and then you want to do more. I wonder if you get that from me. You show me my goals.
Dear boys,
There is no greater privilege in this world than the one I have been given: being your mother. You are everything good in my life, and everything right. It is an honor to watch you move through life, wide eyed and absorbent. I see my world through fresh eyes when I am with you, and I see the world as amazing. Everything new you learn, I learn too. And we rejoice in everything new. My life is complete; I am whole. And it is because of you. You're both growing so so fast, and I know that the kisses and cuddles will wane, and eventually cease. And it will break my heart, but I hope that as you grow and mature, our relationship will, too. No matter what, always and for ever... I love you.
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